Episode 39: Grief & God’s Glory
An interview with Dorina Lazo Gilmore-Young
Dorina shares her in-process story of grief and God’s glory. Find out how lament moves us through grief, and how the Body of Christ is essential to journey through the mountains and valleys of life.
The Seeds
Name: Dorina Lazo Gilmore-Young
Age: 45
Where do you call home: Fresno, California
Relationship Status: Married
Season of Work: Full-Time Author, Speaker
Hobbies: Trail Running, Cooking, Travel
Jesus Journey: I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior in first grade at a Maundy-Thursday foot washing service before Easter. My mom, Sunday School teacher Eunice, and our Pastor were just a few who planted seeds in my life to lead me to that decision. Many mentors have watered those seeds through the years.
The Branches
Here at ‘Olive Us’, we talk a lot about grief. Cassie Carrigan, LMFT in Episode 14 shared her story of losing two children and reminded us we HAVE to grieve. Cassie said: “the grief process will give way to healing.” Do you agree and if so, how has the grief process given way to healing after losing your husband Ericlee in 2014?
I do believe that the grief process has led to healing for me. Every grief journey is unique. I think that people grieve and it doesn’t necessarily lead them to healing. I like the word “process.” There’s an activeness that is in that. For myself, I began a process of grieving even before my husband went to heaven. In 2014 Ericlee was diagnosed with cancer at age 40. Our whole world was turned upside down and came to a screeching halt when we received that diagnosis. At that point, I started to grieve. In my studies, I found the term “anticipatory grief.” I didn’t know in my spirit what was going to happen in the future, but I could feel things shifting. I began to grieve the shift, the uncertainty, and the loss of what my life would look like if my husband was no longer on Earth. My husband went to heaven on September 9, 2014, but I started the grief process in May 2014 when we received the diagnosis. I do agree with Cassie’s quote. I would also add that we have a choice to engage in the grief process with God (lament) or we can engage in grief in ways that are apart from God. I believe that healing comes from engaging with God.
On your website, you say, “ You were designed to experience God’s glory. No matter what trial or tragedy you face, our God is never late. He is always working on your behalf.” For the one who might not know or believe they were designed for God’s glory and that God is working on their behalf even in tragedy and grief how would you encourage them?
I’ve been on the journey where I have questioned if God is working on my behalf in tragedy. My encouragement would be to be a “glory chaser.” Glory chasing is redirecting our life and value system to be looking at God…to be looking for God. I love the word “chase” because it’s active. It means I have to MOVE toward God. I must PARTICIPATE in chasing God. Every day I have to ask myself, “where have I seen God at work?” God can use our tiny bit of “belief.” He can meet us in our unbelief too.
Has there been a time when it’s been hard to believe the encouragement you just gave ‘Olive Us’ for yourself or just wrestled with the goodness of God and him loving you as a beloved daughter?
I know I have had moments in the last 8+ years when I’ve been grieving my husband’s death where I have struggled, but I also know my orientation towards chasing after God’s glory has been the thing that has pulled me through. It’s the thing that has allowed me to still bloom when I’m down on the ground. Those roots were already nourished before I started this journey. To the people that are not in the trial, now’s the time to nourish those roots…to be in the word…to be in prayer…to have those practices, because we don’t know what’s coming tomorrow. Even in those places where we’re grieving, where we’re in trials, when the storm has come, even when we’ve been knocked down…if we have those roots there is still an opportunity for us to bloom. Opportunity for God to help us flourish.
What role has God’s people played in strengthening, encouraging, and showing the love of God through your grief journey?
One of my favorite names of God is Emmanuel, God with us. I cling to the power of that name because I have seen in the last 8+ years how God has sent community to be “God with us.” Our community carried us in real practical ways, like showing up with food for almost a year. People provided for us in creative ways. Community lifted us. I got to reap the benefits of what I like to call “community life insurance”. It wasn’t a financial investment, it was an investment in people. After he went to Heaven I got to see that come full circle in the way that people provided for us.
Because we’re not perfect people and tend to try and bypass our grief or move through quickly(at least here in the West)…we sometimes do the same with others going through tragedy and grief. What loving advice can you share with ‘Olive Us’ to better walk alongside one another?
We need to permit ourselves to grieve. Often we try to push the grief aside. Give the people around permission to grieve in a way that’s unique to them. Also, acknowledge people’s grief. It’s not possible to make someone “more” sad. Many of my widow friends are lonely because people are trying to protect them because they’re scared of entering in. The ministry of presence is so powerful. Sometimes we complicate walking alongside others in grief so we just don’t do it.
We as people tend to think we somehow “get over our grief” by replacement, redemption, or time passing. For example…we grieve the loss of a job…we get a new one so in turn we must never have to grieve losing the first job. Or you have children in Heaven and then in the future, you welcome more earthly children so one should somehow “get over” the grief of your children in Heaven. In your case, your husband Ericlee went to Heaven, and then you got remarried in 2016, to your now husband Shawn. Are you done grieving Ericlee? How do you make space for your grief in this new chapter of life?
I do believe people come from a good place. People so badly want people to be ok and to flourish. I can definitively say that I will never get over grieving Ericlee. I will grieve the loss of my husband until I see him again in Heaven. I also have gone through an intense season of grief concerning that loss, but I’m in a season now 8 years out, remarried, so much is new and has been made new. I’m not in intense grief, but I’m still grieving and still aware. I have been able to move forward in my life, but it doesn’t mean my grief is over or that I’ve checked a box. I’m moving forward and I’m able to embrace the calling that God has on my life. Sometimes we get stuck and need therapy or other help, but we also need to recognize that grief is not a finite stop.
You’re an author, speaker, Bible teacher, and spoken word artist. You’ve written several books (for adults and children) and have several new projects dropping in 2023. Tell us about them.
“Chasing God’s Glory” is for kids of all ages. It’s about an adventure going on a hunt for “glory.”
“Create in Me a Heart of Mercy” is looking at the idea of mercy and how we are called to mercy because God has mercy on us. It’s a six-week bible study that comes out in May. You can use it in your church or as an individual.
“Breathing Through Grief” is an interactive journal that includes stories, devotionals, scriptures, prayers, and space. It’s for the person who is grieving. There are some guiding questions or you can journal on your own. It leads people through prayers when they don’t even know what to pray. So many people are grieving.
The Olive Tree
Finish these statements:
God is…hesed
Chasing God’s glory is… an adventure
Navigating Grief with others is…sacred work
‘Olive Us’ are better when… we are flourishing together