Episode 45: Lead Thyself
An interview with Annikki Dighe
Annikki shares her in-process story of leading herself well in body, mind, and soul.
The Seeds
Name: Annikki Dighe
Where do you call home: San Francisco, CA
Relationship Status: Married
Season of Work: I’m in transition! I’m completing the last two years of homeschooling while taking on more leadership in our local church’s Family Ministry.
Hobbies: Hiking; dog training; family adventures; reading; attending live theater & SFFilm events; life-long learning especially at museums.
Jesus Journey: I grew up attending a Lutheran church, lost my faith in college, and re-encountered Jesus alongside my husband in our early married life. At the time, we were both searching for how we were going to spiritually raise future kids, and we were influenced by friends whom we respected and who told us that all success in life was based on a spiritual foundation. They invited us to their church, and we began following along the thread of life that God had designed for us to be drawn to Him. Both of us accepted Jesus as our Lord and Savior in March 2000 and were baptized together in May 2000, which began the real journey of life.
The Branches
Annikki, share your current leadership assignments/circles of influence.
My current assignments are twofold:
Family–I’m teaching, guiding, and resourcing my three daughters through the transition from youth into adulthood, supporting their assignments of college, work, and final high school years. I’m also assisting my aging parents through their transitions, equipping them to step into their vision for a healthy and sustainable later life stage.
Work/Ministry–I’m currently the Kids Director for Epic Church, serving parents, children, and a fabulous group of approx. 80 team members who are key to our children’s ministry in SF.
An assignment I set down last year was leading our North Bay homeschool co-op. While I don’t have an official role any longer, I still enjoy speaking into the lives of other homeschooling parents.
How would you define the phrase “leading yourself well?” Why is it important for not just leaders, but everyone?
I came across a quote in Webster’s Dictionary: “Leadership molds individuals into a team” ~ Harold Koontz & Cyril O’Donnell. If you consider all the individual aspects of your entire personhood, you are a human who needs leadership to live to your potential, and bring all those aspects of self into harmony as a ‘team.’ So to be a healthy, whole human, leading yourself well is not just for leaders, but for everyone.
‘Wholeness’ as a descriptor for self, food, career, etc. has been used often in the last decade or so. I mean, Whole Foods grocery stores and the organic food movement helped to launch our modern selves into eating less processed foods and creating a holistic menu. We think of health now not only in the physical sense but also mental and emotional sense – a whole person’s health. I think it’s beautiful that the word ‘wholeness’ is a close homophone to ‘holiness.’ To lead ourselves to wholeness, we invite the holiness of Jesus to clothe us and guide us to thrive in life.
What does leading yourself (caring for your body, mind, and soul)look like in this season for you?
It’s definitely in process for me! I’ve come to believe that God gives us seasons to tend to all these aspects, but some can be emphasized over others at different times since we live in the confines of chronological time and space. That said, sometimes when I’m nurturing my soul, I’m also caring for my body, or my mind cohesively.
Body: This is where I could use some work! But I do a gentle yoga workout every morning – I’ve been doing it for over 21 years. My flexibility definitely benefits. I walk a ton – having the dog helps. Hiking nourishes body and soul. Our family also recently re-joined the YMCA and have been working toward a rhythm of walking to the gym for afternoon workouts. Plus Atul and I recently started using an app called Hinge Health. I use it to stretch my feet and build strength at the end of the day.
Mind: If you didn’t know already, I’d classify myself as a lifelong learner – I’m a book nerd for sure! Homeschooling is fabulous for a person like me, who loves learning alongside my daughters. I still teach what we call “Family Circle” in the morning from 8-9 am with Jayna. This is a time to learn together to augment her other studies or stretch ourselves in areas we love. This year our subjects are: Literature, Music, Bible, Maths/Career, and Art/Cuisine. I also am part of a Mom Scholé book group, where we keep one another accountable for what we are reading by narrating favorite quotes & sharing what we have learned from what we have read over the month. As someone who writes, I enjoy word puzzles and games, so the WSJ crossword is a staple in our house. Plus, puzzles are good for keeping our minds healthy into our later years. Finally, I’m constantly reading about leadership and ministry to get better as a leader, especially at Epic.
Soul: I like to wake up and spend time with God in the morning. That looks like prayer and meditating on His word with the Lectio 365 app prompts while doing yoga in the morning. I like journaling prayers and copying scripture as a way of talking with God. I’ve been using A Guide To Prayer for Ministers and Other Servants by Job & Shawchuck for a couple of years to select scripture to focus upon. Before work, I get into the narrative of the Bible – lately, that is reading and discussions of the New Testament with Maya–we just finished Romans. Also? Every time I walk near the ocean or in a forest, etc. I draw close to the Lord, and my soul is nourished.
Because we are not perfect people…I imagine you have missed the mark or failed at “leading yourself well” in certain areas over the years. Can you share a few examples?
What a blessing to know that we all fall short and fail…and that Christ redeems those failures. He allows us to dust ourselves off, learn from our mistakes, improve, and make new ones.
I can think of several ways I’ve failed at leading myself well. I used to have such anger when family life didn’t turn out the way I had expected – I’m that recovering perfectionist. I recall a time when I got so angry at one of my girls – I think she had a sassy attitude, but honestly, the details of the situation escape me. I responded by shouting at her and I had a vision of emotional pain for her and me. I just collapsed into tears – a puddle of grief. Life with little kids was hard, but days didn’t need to be filled with anger and shouting. I asked for forgiveness…from God and my daughter. With a heap of grace and mercy from our Lord, we slowly mended the tear in our bond.
I know my spiritual walk with Jesus has gone through plenty of ebbs and flows. It’s easy to pick up a Bible and devour life-giving words when life has given you lemons and you crave God’s peace amid the storm. But the discipline of leading myself into daily discussion with Jesus and His word is more challenging when life is humming along, full of people, places, and things that distract my attention away from God. There was a desert time when I was going through the motions of faith – praying with my family, doing weekly Bible studies, attending Church – but I wasn’t growing personally with Jesus, simply because I wasn’t reaching deep into myself to praise him for the joy He provided and to expose the fears and worries I had locked away. I didn’t give the Lord my time and attention. That had to change if I wanted living water from Jesus’ well. I started to journal my prayers and also write three things I’m thankful for each day. I found so much to talk to God about, and it has become painful to miss my time with God.
What was on the other side of you not leading yourself well?
There’s an incredible amount of fallout that occurs when you decide not to lead yourself well. You may have heard me say that a parent sets the spiritual, emotional, physical, and academic thermostat in the home – he or she proactively creates the environment the family will live in. If a parent isn’t leading herself well, she starts to just react to her environment – she’s just a thermometer, reading the climate of the home.
Being reactive affects the entire family, and that’s what happens in my home when I’m not leading myself well. My husband, daughters, friends, etc. see that I’m not as intentional with my time and there’s relationship pain, disappointment due to missed opportunities, and the real possibility of slipping into a rut – a gutter really – a path that doesn't lead to growth and life.
How does leading ourselves well pave the road to loving & leading others well?
Leading ourselves well in body, mind, and soul naturally allows opportunities for God to show up to love others and lead others as the Holy Spirit guides. I know it’s a parable many have heard, but I think the parable of the talents in Matthew 25 could apply to this question of loving and leading.
The master provided goods to each of his servants, to each according to his abilities (I think the amount of talents delivered could’ve been based on how well that servant had been leading himself spiritually up to that point). Then each servant interacted with the world, trading talents and gaining even more. I imagine that the servants with five and two talents were loving even as they were discerning in their trade. Hence the master praises them with the words of: well done, good, and faithful servant, and gives them jurisdiction over many things and the ability to enter into the joy of the Lord. They now have a road to even more ability to impact others for the good because of their faithful journey to that point.
So God has prepared us through provision of talents to use our unique gifts and abilities in the communities and spheres of influence He has placed us. What an opportunity!
If I’m honest, while I’d often heard the maxim, “to whom much is given, much is required,” I didn’t know how to best live that out. But as I have spiritually grown and keep improving on leading myself well, I have started to see ways to trade my talents and steward what God has given me in this life.
To me, that looks like giving my life to my communities – family, church, homeschooling friends – with love and self-forgetfulness as I learned from a short Tim Keller book, The Freedom of Self Forgetfulness. I am finding joy in this journey and fullness and richness that only comes through community and connection.
Encourage the ‘Olive Us’ sister who is doing a bang up job leading others, but struggling to take care of her own soul, body, and mind.
This is probably more common than we realize – strong women leaders who have previously been leading themselves well, building spheres of influence, leading others based on the gifts God has given them so far, and are excelling.
But just like a well can run dry, we leaders cannot continue to ride on the previous momentum of our leadership without continuing to nourish our lives, especially with our relationship with the Lord! Without water, we die, and without being too dramatic, the Bible cautions us to stay connected to the living water that is Jesus.
“O Lord, the hope of Israel, all who turn away from you will be disgraced. They will be buried in the dust of the earth, for they have abandoned the Lord, the fountain of living water.” Jeremiah 17:13 NLT.
I believe Jeremiah is correcting here, telling believers that the Lord provides living water if we only reach out to Him to drink it in. But if we stop going to His well, we get thirsty, parched, and struggling to pour out to others with nothing to draw from.
So I’d encourage our sisters in Christ to keep going back to the Lord’s fountain to refresh and renew yourself – lead yourself well – so that you can sustainably lead with high impact. Besides, it’s fun when we play in a fountain of living water – we enjoy our journey more when the Lord is pouring His Spirit out on others!
What’s at stake for future generations when we don’t lead ourselves well as mothers, aunties, grandmas, caregivers, and teachers?
This past summer I read an excellent resource from Lifeway publications called Flip the Script. This guide for the next-gen ministry was well- researched and is a worthwhile read. There’s bad news and good news.
First the bad news:
Some stats that can be shocking – From 1948 - 2009 (61 years) church membership declined by 15%; from 2009 - 2020 (11 years) church membership declined by 14%. In each generation, from the Baby Boomers to Gen Z, identifying as a Christian and church attendance is decreasing at an alarming rate. Fewer than half of Millennials and Gen Z attended church weekly while growing up.
“We have shifted from a society in which it was virtually impossible not to believe in God, to one in which faith, even for the staunchest believer, is one human possibility among others.” —Charles Taylor
I could go on, but I’d like to share the good news!
While the current statistics on Gen Z church attendance, identity in Christ, and faith are bleak, there is hope, because God is sovereign and Lord of all! If Bible-believing Christians awaken to the reality of today’s situation, we can change how we are leading our families, our kid’s ministries in churches, and our Christian schools to address the next generation’s needs and questions.
If we lead ourselves well and move into a posture of holding tightly to Jesus, we can embrace a new model for teaching children and youth, meeting the cultural need for belonging, and answering the cultural need for identity. I love this quote from Flip the Script:
“When children experience an environment of belonging, they feel seen and known by others and become open to learn about who God is. When kids and students base their identities in who God is, they love God and want others to know him.”
You might be able to tell that this is my passion – to help children experience radical hospitality and belonging so that they become open to learning all about God and developing healthy identities in Christ, which in turn allows them to become excellent ambassadors for Jesus. At Epic, the Kids team calls this Belong, Believe, and Become.
So to circle back to your question – leading ourselves well is of eternal impact on the generations to come!
Olive Us was created for women to share their in-process stories and be reminded they’re connected through Christ and not alone. Why is this important?
To pull from a kids’ movie, Finding Nemo, we (humans) have our version of Dory’s short-term memory loss. Throughout history, we tend to forget. Especially to forget God’s provision, His grace, His goodness, and how He is unifying His church as a part of His story.
Just look at the Israelites wandering in the wilderness for 40 years forgetting God’s deliverance and power in the exodus from Egypt. They were so forgetful that God told them to institute the Passover so that they could remember the story of His salvation.
It’s why we don’t just celebrate Easter once, but annually, and we regularly celebrate communion so we can be connected to Jesus’ salvation.
Olive Us is a HUGE blessing for women to share their stories to remind one another using their relatable experiences to remember God’s faithfulness and goodness as a part of a community. God intends for us to live together – all of us – and grow in knowledge and favor of Christ. We can only do that when we connect and share our stories.
The Olive Tree
Finish these statements:
God is…mighty to save!
Leading ourselves well is…essential to the next generation and our relationship with Jesus.
‘Olive Us’ are better when… we share our stories.