Episode 60: Olive Us Reset
An interview with Taylor Nichols
Taylor shares her in-process story of resetting and returning to values that her soul longed for and the invitation to journey down a new and uncharted path.
The Seeds
Name: Taylor Nichols
Where do you call home: Austin, TX
Relationship Status: Married
Season of Work: Mama & Silent Business Partner
Hobbies: Travel, Dancing, Pottery, Reading, Cooking, Movies, Emotional Health & Learning New Healing Modalities
Jesus Journey: Jesus is the most consistent thread in my life, through the ups and downs, the push and pull, He is the string that is intertwined throughout my life story. I know him a lot differently than I did 15 years ago and I am committed to learning and knowing Him in new ways over the next 15 years. The most challenging part of my faith journey has been learning to trust MY relationship with Him and not judge that relationship or experience it through the eyes of others. Unlearning a works-based faith and relearning a grace-based relationship has been one of the most transformational experiences of my life, and I would add I think is just beginning.
The Branches
In January, with Jo, we talked about recalibration (small adjustments to our life), not to be confused with a RESET. Now, the dictionary definition in a nutshell is “Returning to a default state. Set again. Do differently.” Taylor, anything you would add to that description of the word RESET?
Love this question… I think reset can look a lot of different ways in different seasons of our lives and it takes a lot of discernment and attunement to understand which and what is needed. Similar to the analogy of tech, knowing if it’s a whole life reset or a reset in one area of your life plays a big role in determining what that looks like. For me, I think reset means going back to values and realigning things to what is true. As we evolve and learn, what is true and what we value can also change and evolve. So I think a willingness to whiteboard and seek out what feels off and where we feel like we aren’t aligned is important. I didn’t do this well or soon enough and so my body did it for me, but through that, I have learned a ton about how many ways we are invited to hear the still small voice that says we need to pause and consider reset or realignment along our life journey.
There are some things in life we need to reset and not recalibrate. How do we come to find out what those are?
I think this looks different for everyone and I am learning that understanding evolves with us as we evolve. For me, in this season, my body and my soul have been instrumental in helping me understand where resets were needed in my life. Control used to be a really big part of my survival instincts, and likely still is - but I have learned more about how to listen and honor what that drive towards control is teaching me. I would say that a desire to find safety in control is what ultimately led me to a place where my body shut down and forced the reset that I think my soul had been inviting for a couple of years. What I have learned is that we often use “doing” to distract from “being” and slowing down to reset, or stopping to reset puts a pause on doing. Being is what invites presence and awareness, it opens the door to acceptance and helps us honor our needs and align our actions with our desires. Doing is what gives us a sense of control and in my experience keeps us on a hamster wheel of ignoring the traffic signals that we may need to reset or realign. I would say that I am still learning what reset and recalibration mean. I wouldn’t say I am always aware, but I am learning to become very attuned to the whisper that says “pause…. Wait… listen…. You don’t have to move yet, you don’t even have to know yet, just need to lean in and listen closely. If you trust me, trust the signals I’ve given your body and the stirring in your soul, and be open to a 2-degree shift”
You’ve had to make some hard choices over the last few years. These choices have required you to pull back from some things. Stop some things. Reorient some things. Show up differently to your assignments and relationships. What led you here? Would you be willing to share a few of those hard choices?
The last few years have been inundated with change. If I look back on where this started, I think Covid was the real birthplace of awareness that some things needed to change. The first thing I felt like the lord asked me to lay down was my podcast. This realization came with a really strong sense of awareness that I didn’t want to be part of the “noise” that I sensed in the world during a season when no one knew what was right or wrong, what they needed, much less what the world needed. I wanted to be able to hear my soul and listen to my body and surroundings, not distract myself by trying to pretend I knew what was up and what was down.
Looking back now, I know that a lot of what was happening related to Covid and the political tension in the world, was triggering a lot of the atmosphere I walked away from as a teenager when I left the religious group I was raised in. I didn’t have an answer, I didn’t know what was right or wrong, I wanted to listen and learn, but everything around me felt targeted and like it wanted to align me to a “side. Amidst the fear people were facing globally, I needed to create more quiet space in my life to listen, I find this so comical to write out, because I had four kids at home ages toddler to pre-teen, so life was anything but quiet. I think I anticipated this being a 6-month pause while we got our Skoolie (school bus) up and on the road and then I would be back at it interviewing real-life people living their real-life stories around America, but that didn’t happen and here we are almost four years later.
Amidst that, our Engineering company home base was back in our master bedroom, where it started almost 10 years prior and I became very aware of my husband's need for partnership there. Who knew training new graduates in engineering fully online could present some challenges? So I stepped in and worked over the next two years implementing a new business structure and helping develop our leadership team. I had never been a full-time working mom, but kinda accidentally turned into that, and looking back I don’t know that I even realized that was happening. As time went on, looking back, I think I could feel it was time for me to step back, step out. I could see that my portion of work was complete, but I didn’t know how to step away… I think there was fear, I think some of it was waiting to be affirmed that I had brought any value to the table. I operate in the opposite hemisphere of the brain that Engineers operate, so sitting in that role stretched me and taught me so much.
As the downturn hit, my body said “no” and started to shut down. I didn’t know it was fear at the time, but having done a lot of work around this and learning that your body and nervous system can shut down and go into fight, flight or freeze when it feels threatened, I now know that there was a real sense of retraumatization related to the perceived threat of losing our income and the energy needed to rebuild, which my sweet system wasn’t ready to engage. I had NO clue I was storing trauma around this I felt so strong and proud of how far we had come, but as the book says… “The body keeps the score…” and man oh man did it for me.
I haven’t shared a lot about parenting, but another very consistent theme in this has been in a season where my physical energy, emotional energy, and mental energy have all been very limited. I felt a very strong sense of clarity that the margin I did have was meant to be given first to my family. That started out looking like me pouring myself into my family and then being forced to recognize that I had to put the oxygen mask on myself first. That journey has been the hardest yet for me. It feels counter to EVERYTHING I was taught, the way I have learned to survive, and the very instinctive responses I have to try and keep my family safe. It has humbled me, wrecked me, and changed me. I am still struggling to learn these lessons fully, but I am finding peace in the practice of entrusting that which I can’t be and want to be into the arms of Jesus. Knowing He sees, knows, and will be there to walk through the healing that will be needed in the spaces when my limitations have caused pain and disappointment for my family.
From those hard choices. From the pulling back. Did you gain clarity from the Lord, maybe friends, family, a therapist, a book, another resource, etc., where a RESET was needed?
What is funny about clarity is that it often feels like walking in the fog before you see it as clarity. But yes, a ton of clarity in and through SO many spaces and resources in my life. One area of life that needed a reset for our family was Church and the COVID-19 pause from public gatherings provided that. It allowed me to lean into the parts of my soul that I had judged and glean wisdom about why things inside of a corporate church setting felt hard for me without judging them or beating myself up for the spiritual trauma that is very real in my life story. It opened space for curiosity and a gentle understanding. I felt so close to God in the stillness of COVID-19, the pace reminded me so much of the pace I felt amidst grief in the wake of losing both our Dads and the still small voice of a Father whose love was so tangible to near was similar as well.
Trusting the realness of that allowed me to just unpack with Him where tension was being stored and to address the longing and fear I felt judged by when I spoke about them in religious settings. Some clarity that came was a desire for our family to attend a service together and for my kids to hear the same message I was hearing, to learn more about liturgical practices, Tish Warren’s book - “Prayer in the Night” was a gift in that discovery. Borrowing faith from the brothers and sisters of faith who have gone before me. This looked like a reset, finding a new Church community. Recalibration was expanding my circles, opening space for more curiosity, and releasing judgment. Reading more, listening to fewer opinions, and diving into more science, research, and historical wisdom. I went from being a podcaster and listening to podcasts (WHICH I LOVE!!) to overnight really not regularly listening to podcasts for almost two years. This opened space for me to feel less like I needed to decide if I aligned or didn’t align and more to discover and ponder ideas and philosophies, allowing my soul space to breathe. I don’t think I realized how much was changing, it wasn’t like an obvious “reset” or “recalibrate” decision for me, it was more of a response to a soul cry that was beckoning change and inviting me on a new path.
Resources that have been very helpful for me:
Prayer in the Night - Tish Warren
The Grieving Brain & The Grieving Body -Mary Frances O’Connor
The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry - John Mark Comer
Emotionally Healthy Spirituality - Peter Sazaro
The Body Keeps the Score - Vessel van der Kolk
Screwtape Letters - C.S Lewis
Know my Name - C Miller
The Way Forward - Yung Pueblo
Deep Rooted Marriage - Dan Allander & Steve Call
Healing the wounded heart - Dan Allander
Anatomy of the Soul - Curt Thompson
Falling Upward - Richard Rohr
With - Sky Jethani
Good Energy - Dr Casey Means
Unbroken - Mary Catherine McDonald
Podcast & Workshops - The Place We Find Ourselves - Adam Young
The Allander Center Workshops
If we don’t have a baseline for what a reset on areas of our life looks like, knowing what we need to reset might prove to be complicated. Is there any area of your life where you found out you didn’t need recalibration but needed a reset?
I think it is REALLY important to give yourself grace and to try things. Adam Young’s podcast was REALLY helpful for me in starting to understand the impact of pain, shame, and spiritual abuse in my life. The way he shared other stories allowed me to relate in a way that I could create a little space to recognize patterns, pain, and even ways to respond. It also helped create a visual of there being a way forward.
What have you learned about yourself as you’ve reset some things in your life?
That I am worth it. That my trauma isn’t a burden, it is, in fact, a gift. That wisdom is gleaned in the painful and lonely spaces of pursuing our souls because to know thyself is to know Him. I had no idea that being made in the image of God would be such a reflective part of my healing journey, that it would help me learn to trust the way He created me and relate with Him in deeper ways. Sometimes you have to give in to the pain for the healing to come. That being strong and being tough isn’t the same thing. That trying softer is sometimes what is needed most. That you can trust the fall, even when it feels long and scary. That the journey back to the surface is building muscle and endurance, and that your lungs are stronger than they feel. That trying things that feel scary is worth it. You know more than you think you do, and if it doesn’t feel right you don’t need to force yourself into a shoe that doesn’t fit. Mistakes are ok they are necessary to learn!
What have you learned about God and God’s love for you in the process?
Oh, so so much. Mostly, He is consistent when I am not. That questioning isn’t a weakness; it’s an opportunity to grow and heal. I’ve learned that God’s love stretches far beyond what my human understanding can comprehend and that when I rest in His love.
I am restored, known, and renewed. I think the most profound thing that I have learned through experience is how deeply personal his love is for me, like intimate and far-reaching to touch the parts of my mind, body, and spirit only He knows need to be healed by Him. Psychology has also played a profound role in expanding my understanding of God’s love for me and humanity. To experience teachers like Curt Thompson, Adam Young, and Dan Allander who understand how our bodies and minds are knit together has been profound. I was raised with a very real line between science, psychology, and God. The integration of those ideas together has transformed my faith. To understand my emotions as a gift instead of a weakness, to see my body as something to behold instead of something to beat into submission, to know that my ability to question and use logic was gifted to me BY god and not as a means of separating me from Him has all radically changed how I experience His love for me.
Taylor, what hope or encouragement do you want to leave with the Olive Us community today related to the resets we’ll each experience in this life?
Hmm… what comes to mind as I ponder this is that the longing for heaven is beautiful and rich but can distract us from the gift of living here on earth. We have been groomed too long for comfort, which I think often pulls us towards Heaven, but what I have learned in sitting in the pain and discomfort of the journey here on earth is that IN IT, we get to know Him in new and truly astounding ways. There is a purpose in the seasons of life, as Richard Rohr talks about the two halves of our spirituality. One half creates a home and the second half leaves that very home to explore what God is calling you to. The reset of walking away from that which is known, comfortable, accepted, and familiar to what is beyond. At times, it is scary and uncomfortable. The journey of saying goodbye to the container in which we have found comfort and belonging to be fully transformed into the image of God requires reset, recalibration, and renewal. I am learning to embrace the question of “What do you want to teach me through this?” vs. my old way of responding with an attitude of “Why this or what now?” is serving me better. I am learning to expect the unexpected and to lean in and trust Romans 8:28, that he truly does “work all things for the Good…” I would also say that having experienced a lot of death at a fairly early age, has helped me gain perspective on the gift of living and the lessons in dying. There is purpose in it all, both here and beyond. And even if that purpose is only YOU, it’s worth it and He would do it all again for YOU, so don’t waste it!
Olive Us Restored retreats will focus on rest, delight, connection, and growth. Why is this important for the Body of Christ and specifically for women?
Retreats create space that opens the door to more silence and reflection. It quiets the noise around us and forces us to attune to the noise inside of us, therefore empowering us to better hear the desires of our hearts, which I believe were knit into our stories and souls for a purpose. It slows us down and offers us more space to be while quieting the survival instinct to do. John Mark Comer's book “The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry” helped me understand the purpose of this type of Sabbath/retreat. For me in the last couple of years, retreat has helped me realize areas where stress and tension exist in my day-to-day life, that when removed I am more aware of the stress or tension BY the ABSENCE of it than I have been able to be amidst it. It’s provided space for my brain to breathe and words to flow in a manner that reminds me I can still think! It opens the door for play, and I have become increasingly aware that we dismiss the value of FAR too often in our lives. Play is how we learn best, it opens pathways in our brains and invites room for creativity and joy. Often it invites us to experience Nature and to soak in the healing and life-giving force of energy in the world surrounding us - The sun, the water, the mountains… simply the gift of our breath. Never underestimate the power of our breath, fun fact is that it is one of the only things we have control over.
Olive Us was created for women to share their in-process stories and be reminded they’re connected through Christ and not alone. Why is this important?
Because we need reminders and we need encouragement. We need to know we are not alone and that this journey isn’t for not. In-process stories help us feel less alone and they open the door for our bodies and hearts to respond in resonance acknowledging “me too!” I recently attended a marriage workshop with Dan Allander, Steve Call, and their wives. As I was processing with my husband post the event I said “You know what was so beautiful about that experience… they were not talking at you or telling you how to do/be, they were simply inviting you into their stories and narratives in a way that allowed your body and soul to resonate and feel known” I think that best sums up why in -process stories are so important. Because they encourage us to continue in OUR journey and not to attempt to follow or recreate another's journey. They remind us that we are here and have work to do!
The Olive Tree
Finish these statements:
God is…Love, Pursuing Us, Worth Pursuing, FAR BIGGER than we comprehend, ALL around us.
Resets in life are necessary because…They create space to hear, They remind us of our desires, They help us rest and restore, They help us attune to our souls and hear Him more clearly, and They reignite embers that have burned cold and stir the desires of our hearts.
‘Olive Us’ are better when…We take the time to understand our own stories and how they shape the way we interact in the world, We focus on the work of our souls and allow our lives to be a living example of God’s love lived out, We learn to be present and quit striving.