Episode 1: A Season of Pain
An interview with Minnie Lee
Meet Minnie Lee. Hear how God has met her in a season of pain that is currently in process.
The Seeds
Name: Minnie Lee
IG: @jade777insf
Age: 46
Relationship Status: Single (set me up, people, set me up!)
Season of Work: Administrative Director, Epic Church SF
Hobbies: Swimming, hiking, reading, going to art museums, checking out cool architecture (modern)
Interesting Facts about me: I’ve lived in 6 major cities around the world; and there is not going to be a 7th one ;)
Jesus Journey
It has literally been a journey (up and down!) - since I was first exposed to church at the age of 9, it took me another 30 years to really get to know and follow Jesus
It was my neighbor - an older sister figure (always wanted one, having grown up with two older brothers) that first invited me to church when I was 9 - I followed her everywhere. My parents were atheists; dad’s side had Buddhist influence
Growing up, my grandma (mom’s side) modeled being a joyous and loving Christian; and I know she prayed for all of her children and grandchildren. I had a close relationship with her, but she passed way too early (I was in 10th grade)
I accepted Jesus as my Lord and savior at Epic Church (I was 39), after many years of leaving my faith and even being an atheist for a while. When life started getting really hard, I started searching for the God I knew when I was young - I needed him to exist. I would say that finally at Epic, I encountered the real Jesus (Fall 2011 - early 2012), and I was baptized on July 14, 2013. This is a long story, but that’s in a nutshell :)
The Branches
Talk to us about Chronic Pain and your health journey to date:
Since 2002, I’ve been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, which is a chronic pain syndrome. It has everything to do with how my brain/body processes pain signals, it’s like having the volume control on your speaker being broken - when I’m having a flare-up, a sweet hug from your best friend can make you feel like you’re being bulldozed...Triggers can be stress, fatigue, physical exertion, etc. It’s not curable, but it’s definitely manageable through healthy eating, exercise, and healthy relationships (having close friends is healthy for you!).
Interestingly, in 2013, I started having severe back pain, which developed into neck injuries a few years ago, which was finally explained in Fall of last year that it was coming from a hip problem (because it’s all connected) ….so between my chronic symptoms and acute/structural issues the past 6 years have been quite the experience.
In Oct last year, I got a procedure done to address my hip issue, and despite some hiccups, I’ve been on a path to healing from the acute pain.
After years of physical pain, God helped me discover that I had developed a deep sense of shame and even resentment over the years. Last year my body broke down for a good 6-8 months, had chronic fatigue, where I did not have any energy very often to do even the most basic things on a daily basis. It was during this time of hurting, feeling helpless and waiting that God spoke into me so much of his truth over all the lies I’ve been living under, such as:
I’m only worthy of love when I’m performing/accomplishing something.
I’m useless when I’m sick.
I’m alone and I’m always going to be alone.
When the going gets tough: What happens emotionally and spiritually when you're in pain?
Before (I’m talking as recent as up to Feb 2019): emotionally: sadness, self-pity, resentment, self-blaming, shame; spiritually: questioning God’s goodness, wondering why God wouldn’t heal me; feeling like I’m being punished (and trying to find the reasons for punishment, for instance, something as silly as “I enjoyed time with my friends too much yesterday, I should have just stayed home”)
Recently: I had a severe flare-up (haven’t had something like that in almost a year), and when I was just about to get into my “mood” God gave me a different picture in my head - that he’s with me, so close to me, both in the pain and out. He gave me the strength to say “i’m not going to let this get me down; it sucks right now but I’m going to get better, I just need to rest and I’ll be fine.” So I just sleep and rest for however long I need, listening to audiobooks and sermons. The time spent in shame and sorrow are less. I have been able to focus more on recovering instead of just wallowing in it.
Only God moments- how have you seen God at work through your pain:
WHERE DO I START WITH THIS :) Pain is a complicated place for me. I don’t want to get too philosophical here, but the only way to explain this without giving all the examples of what God did through the pain I was experiencing is that - pain is where all of me was exposed and surrendered to God, and it was also the place all of that was met with God’s tremendous love and grace. Pain made my arrogant heart humble; pain made my strong resistance toward rest collapse; pain made me cry out to God, and therefore it made me depend on God so much - and I was loved tremendously throughout that process. I truly believed that God used pain (which I’m responsible for, btw...for all the years I’ve not rested) to slow me down and soften me up. I’m a better person because of it, ironically.
Do you believe God is our healer (Jehova Rapha) If so, then why hasn't he healed you?
Yes, I asked God for healing for over 4 years. I mean...how many times did I “name it and claim it”, truly believed in his healing, cried out, begged and pleaded….and I also doubted because it was just. not. happening. There was also shame from that, I have to admit.
HOWEVER - when God started showing me all the stuff that was IN me, all the things he needed to free me from, I realized...oh He wants to heal my soul first. He NEEDS to heal my soul first… because unless my soul rests in God, how would my body rest in Him? Oh, He’s healing me, and he is starting from deep within. He’s gutting me before he does the remodeling, so to speak. I’m healing, so so healing. It’s been so so good. I have never felt more free, more loved, more passionate for God in my life.
So talk to the "one" today. There's a woman out there...maybe even a man...who needs to hear your story and dealing with some type of chronic pain. After hearing your interview, what is the one thing you would want them to remember?
Be gut-level honest with God. If you want to cry out, blame, throw something, question “why”...whatever it is in your heart, throw away any packaging and just go to God with it. Don’t go elsewhere - i mean, there is nowhere else to go. Ask for answers, ask for the explanations you need… go after HIM. And He will be the complete answer. He is truly a healer. He will heal you. Physical or not, he will heal you MORE than what you can expect. Don’t give up on God. Just don’t.
The Olive Tree
Olive Us was created for women to share their experiences through life and their "Only God" moments so that we can remember we are connected through Christ and that we're not alone. Why is this important?
Because first of all, God’s grace and truth is revealed through his people. When we’re disconnected, we limit God’s grace and the power of Jesus in our lives
Second of all, the enemy is always finding ways to distract us from God, and that includes focusing on ourselves excessively. Pain naturally makes us focus on ourselves, and there is nothing wrong with taking care of ourselves well - however, beware of becoming self-absorbed. I went there. And God thankfully woke me up and helped me see how greater he is - and that was only possible because I wasn’t isolated. All you people were like, not leaving me alone! ;)
Finish these statements:
God is..................my greatest love.
Even if God doesn't heal my back......I will love him and praise him for his healing of my soul.
"Olive us" are better when........we are compassionate toward one another through understanding of our stories - we all have our different “pain” - we are all taking up our cross to follow Jesus… yet we all experience the power of his resurrection in our lives in the midst of it all. We need to keep hearing the stories of deliverance, resurrection and redemption from one another...because that means Jesus is always defeating the enemy and we are able to live in victory under all circumstances. The crazy stuff Paul talks about is real - we CAN be joyful in all circumstances when our true hope is in Jesus. Jesus is taking us there.