Episode 24: Same Name, New Identity
An interview with Laura Frazier
Our identity can get hijacked by the world, but take heart...Our God is BIGGER! He will NOT STOP pursuing 'Olive Us.' Laura shares her in-process story of knowing & walking in her true identity in Christ.
The Seeds
Name: Laura Frazier
Age: 34
Where do you call home: Berthoud, Colorado
Relationship Status: Married
Season of Work: I own a photography business focusing on families. I also work part-time as a preschool teacher providing support for special needs students.
Hobbies: I love photography, decorating, planning little parties and intentionally celebrating, being in the mountains with my family, and reading.
Jesus Journey:
My maternal grandma used to sing “Amazing Grace” to me as a little girl. I started praying to God when I was about 7. My parents were not believers so I’m not sure “how” I knew to pray. Later we moved to North Dakota for a few years and my grandmother sometimes took me to church for Sunday school and she sent me to Bible camp when I was about 9. I remember Sunday school feeling really stiff, but camp piqued my interest. I heard about God but didn’t know Him.
Then as a teenager, I felt very very lost. My home was chaotic and so was my mind - I was definitely searching for peace. When I was 15 I went on an outdoor youth retreat and I was doing the ropes course and I am terribly afraid of heights. While waiting for my turn and was high up on a platform, I felt an immense presence and heard audibly “will you trust me?” and I accepted Christ with a simple “yes” and many tears.
The Branches
Laura, as we comb through scripture we constantly see God giving people NEW names:
Abraham was first Abram
Paul was first Saul
Shadrach/Meshach/Abednego were Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah.
After supernatural encounters with God, these people (and many not named here) were elevated in position & walked out the individual assignments that God had now given them. Their new names signified their true identity in Christ. What once was, was no more...and what was to come was all for the glory of God. Maybe you don’t have a new name formally Laura….but can you relate to this new identity in Christ that I’m referring to?
I wish I had a new name ;) because I do not recognize who I was and I am so intensely grateful to God for that phenomenon alone.
If your past was to inform us about you what would it say?
Although I became a Christian at the age of 15 I definitely was not walking in the full freedom of Christ until the last few years. Prior to knowing God at all I was very very lost. I was wounded and searching for love. I didn’t trust anyone and was simultaneously desperate to be validated by others. I often didn’t feel heard or was used to accomplish an agenda within my family. As a teenager, I often fought with passion and was confrontational, anger fueled by sadness was evident externally. Internally I felt hopeless and felt despair for the future.
As an adult, I was ruled by fear. My fears led to trying to control my life. I did not trust God. As much as I wanted to trust God, I couldn’t quite “get there”. I was very anxious all the time and diagnosed with OCD on top of my generalized anxiety and depression. My brain was in a constant state of spinning and I was ruled by my trauma triggers in every area of my life. I was confrontational with my husband whenever I felt hurt and tried (although I didn’t recognize it at the time) to push him away. I was never content and often felt like I was under pressure to “do something more”.
What did life look like when you were walking in what the world/family/friends said about you? Did this inform how you made decisions?
I believed a core lie that I was unlovable (for a whole host of reasons) from a young age. I operated through a lens that when people would say they loved me and I believed them, they would change their minds and leave. I believed that is how it would be forever. As a coping mechanism, I would leave people before they could leave me (even if it was emotionally and not physically).
Because of early experiences in my life I made an agreement that I would do whatever I needed to do - alone. This, then of course extended to God. I always kept people…and God… at arm’s length. I desired connection more than anything, but when I would get close to connecting with others I was so afraid. I was unable to receive love and was very much operating with an orphan heart.
Did you have a Damascus Road “Saul” moment? A time where you came face to face with the truth about who you are in Christ & the scales fell off your eyes?
I have had a few of these moments in my life, maybe I’m a slow learner 😅. Regarding identity, I remember clearly at Camp Well in April 2019 I heard God audibly tell me I needed to receive His love. It was as though I could see the walls around me crumbling. Once I was able to receive the love of God, I was able to believe his affections for me and this began my real journey into understanding and claiming my identity in Christ.
Then a few months later in December 2019, I had another powerful encounter with God where I was lead to repentance over my agreements with fear. I would finally choose to trust God over fear and was delivered from anxiety. He affirmed to me that He was fully trustworthy. Furthering my identity work was knowing that I can trust WHOLLY this God who loves me. I can fully believe I am His - because He says I am. God is worthy of my trust.
A few weeks ago I saw my maternal grandmother in hospice for the first time since I was about eight years old. I was accompanied by my biological father who I had met only once 4 years ago. When I walked into her home, I was struck with the sensation of being surrounded and I felt as though I was ushered through her doorway by a strength that was not my own. I wish I could explain it in more detail but words fall short. The atmosphere was so thick, I tried to touch it. I know that in those moments the Lord was answering desires of our hearts and displaying to me (I think all of us there) His absolute kindness. That He sees us and hears our prayers. I believe the lifelong longings of my heart were answered there, and generational wounds were mended in that space. He SEES US. I knew this and it’s a piece of my story He has worked into many other encounters.
What has “seeing” been like since those encounters? What has changed in your life?
I think an easier answer would be, what hasn’t changed?
I was blind, but now I see.
With the risk of sounding dramatic - the way I see life and how I internally (and sometimes of course, externally) respond now is a night and day difference versus 5 years ago. I am no longer a prisoner to fear or my traumas. I have a knowing that God is who He says He is, and because of that fact alone, I am who He says I am. It hasn’t been an overnight change in most areas. I have put in a lot of work to re-train my brain and continue to choose to operate in truth. The way I think of myself (not total self-depravity and despair of “being trapped in my mind” as I used to say) has been transformed completely.
I now understand that because of Christ I am a new creation. The good things about me are good - I was wired this way. The shortcomings I possess are a work in progress and they don’t make me unlovable in the eyes of my father. I repent, surrender, and bring it to the Lord. God KEEPS.SHOWING.UP. He doesn’t tire of our questions, fears, doubts, or pain. He returns again and again and again reminding us of truth. If that is who He is...and I am His...then I know who I am. I am a child of God, by His grace alone, I am fully loved. There is not ONE thing that the enemy, the world, social media, or a family member can throw my way that will change who I am in His eyes. Operating in the world that way is an indescribable gift. Seeing other people that way takes it even one step further and is so awe-inducing.
Because we are HUMAN and in-process what are some of the lies you have to push back to walk in God’s truth? How do you combat these lies?
The biggest area that I have to push back is still the temptation to agree with fear and seeking validation from people, not God. This combination usually manifests itself in a form of social anxiety. I have to be reminded that who I am is not determined by other people. I can’t just seek validation from other humans because it will never be enough!
I combat this by asking the Lord daily to highlight in me when I am seeking anything other than Him, and then do my best to be self-aware. When I feel myself leaning this way I remind myself to look to Jesus. I ask him in those moments to remind me of the truth. I remind myself I am not looking to be of this world, just in it, and pray until I am pointed back. I often need to repent or surrender worries over to him. There are times I need back up so I ask trusted community to pray for me & help remind me who I am in Christ.
What’s your perspective on how the people in your life can either hinder or help you walk out your true identity in Christ?
We know from scripture and from practice that good people will sharpen us and spur us on. We can move forward or backward depending on the company we keep. A REAL, vulnerable, Christ-centered community is like nothing else. It can be hard to find, honestly, but that doesn’t mean we should stop approaching the Lord and asking for it.
As you know we just finished up our Volume 3 Series of #Recount2Remember here at ‘Olive Us’. Can you look back and see God’s goodness & faithfulness even with all the hard & hurt you’ve been through?
I can look back at my identity being attacked since I was in my mother’s womb. Growing up, my family’s dynamics were not always the healthiest and I was often told or led to believe things that weren’t true. As a result, there was so much confusion and I could not trust myself.
As an adult, there have been many “aha!” moments and God has restored and redeemed a lot of relationships in my family. Most recently being able to connect with my biological grandmother just before she passed. I learned in those short days that I have been wanted and prayed for over decades.
‘Olive Us’ was created for women to share their in-process experiences and their "Only God" moments so that we can remember we are connected through Christ and that we're not alone. Why is this important?
This is important because the Lord wants us to be in relationship with Him and others. The enemy attacks us through isolation and shame. He tells us to hide and believe there is something wrong with us. He wants us to believe that we aren’t good, seen, loved, known, or held, etc. When we share our testimonies, God gets the glory and He gets to work furthering His kingdom through community. Vulnerability breeds vulnerability - sharing breaks down the facade that we are taught by culture to put up and allows the truth to dominate the narrative.
The Olive Tree
Finish these statements:
God is…safe and trustworthy.
Our identity in Christ is safe because… He is who He says He is.
‘Olive Us’ are better when…we’re together ;) But, I am an extrovert, ha! We are better when we *show up* as ourselves and for each other.
Olives to Go
Final Thoughts from Laura:
I am fascinated by how God can weave the enemy’s schemes into something so incredibly beautiful. My identity was under attack by the enemy while I was in my mother’s womb until recently. Honestly, he might still be trying…but now I’m on to him. I can see how I was created and the values that God wired me to have. Like, desiring for a very connected family and that constantly coming under insane attack; with divorce, mental illness, addictions, toxic behaviors, and emotional abuse. He then gave me a wonderful husband and we have been able to build a family together. He’s brought me an aunt and mother-in-law who have come around me in a way I could never have dreamed and I am also seeing parts of my broken and banged up family redeemed and restored.
As an Enneagram Six, the enemy knew to attack me in the area of believing that people didn’t want to stay with me because I’m unlovable. Loyalty and deep relationship is such a huge value of mine. Because I know who I am in Jesus, I don’t doubt that people do want to be in a relationship with me when they say they do.
The enemy is conniving but he’s not creative and I see this in so many people. He attacks in the areas we are most tender and in the areas that the Lord wants us to be the most equipped in.
Songs & Scriptures
Pride of a Father - Hillsong Young and Free
Your Thoughts for Us - Austin Stone Worship
Promises - Maverick City Music
Before and After - Elevation Worship & Maverick City Music
Colossians 3:2
Galatians 2:16-20
Romans 8:1-2