Episode 31: The Value of a Mother

May 1

Written By Rachael Wade

An interview with Susan Seay

Hear Susan’s 'in process' story of finding her worth & value as a Woman, Wife, and Mother in God alone.

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The Seeds

Name: Susan Seay

Age: Chile. Old enough LOL 48

Where do you call home: Austin, TX

Relationship Status: Married

Season of Work: Mom. International Speaker. Podcast Host of the Mentor for Moms Podcast

Hobbies: 1,000 piece jigsaw puzzles

Jesus Journey: I grew up in the Catholic church. When I was 12, my parents separated from one another due to work circumstances. My mom, who grew up Baptist, used this time to introduce me to the Baptist church. I loved everything about it. The choir. The preaching. The call and response vibe. All of it. I started singing in the choir and one day the lyrics hit me. When they opened the church doors, the invitation for salvation, I made my way down from the choir stand in my robe and accepted Christ. I was about 13-14 and my life has never been the same.

The Branches

Susan, in THE WORLD we attach success, achievement, and value to the job title we hold or the amount of money we have in our bank accounts. Since we have equated value & worth in this way as a society, what message does this send to mothers that decide to become a full time working at home parent (aka SAHM), or even a mother that decides to work outside the home and not stay home full time with their children?

This is such a good question. It cuts to the heart of one of the biggest challenges in motherhood- worth and value. I think everyone agrees that moms are SO important. But it’s as if the sentiment stops there. The lived experience of motherhood doesn’t leave moms feeling valued and important.

Anytime we allow our value and worth to be defined by our productivity, contribution, hard work, or effort, we set ourselves up to have to continue to earn that worth that’s attached to our strength. What happens when we’re weak, vulnerable, sick, exhausted, hurt, depressed, etc. - then we can no longer feel worthy bc we’re not doing as much as we used to.

That’s why we must remember our value and worth are established by God. We don’t earn it. We don’t maintain our value by doing. Nor do we diminish our value in our failings.

You’re a mom of SEVEN..all homeschooled. Did you ever battle against the truth about your value as a mother in those early days? What about later on in your mothering?

Yes! Remembering the truth about my value is a constant struggle. In a world that assigns value based on income, education background, work status, neighborhood, schools your kids attend, body image, skin, hair, your car. All the focus is on your outer appearance and life. But thank God that in His economy, our value and worth are established and don’t change. The trick is remembering that when my house needs renovation, my car/my phone/ my clothes get old and out of date, my kids don’t go to THE school, they homeschool. When I don’t have the social following that says “I’m important bc look at all these people follow me” - that’s the moment when I must remember that God is not influenced by those things. And when I remember that, it’s much easier for me to remind my kids of that fact when they feel less than because of something that happens in their life.

How did you truly begin to understand the value of being a mother and how God values women…particularly mothers?

I heard this quote at a conference- “If you want to know the health of your organization, check on the women.” I think that applies to families as well. As the family goes, so goes the community. As the community goes, so goes that state. As the state goes, so goes the nation, and the world. Moms are key to impacting not only a generation but the world. But somehow the messages around motherhood have been shrunk down to focus on managing the meals, laundry, and kid’s activities.

Here at Olive Us, we believe that our connection to each other & having God as our source, allows us to withstand the storms of life (or drought seasons) and flourish. Talk to us about the value of connecting with other mamas in ALL stages of motherhood and having God as our source of nourishment.

Connection brings life. I can’t know me without you. You can’t know yourself without me. How do you know you’re tall or short? It’s because you’re around other people. How do you know you’re funny, witty, creative, helpful, sensitive, strong, or any other personal traits- it’s because you’ve been around other people. When we’re together we can point out one another’s gifts. One another’s talents. We can also allow our presence to heal, restore, correct, support, encourage, and affirm one another. Being together, especially gatherings that cross the generational, racial, and neighborhood lines are some of the most flourishing spaces to hang out.

In 2017 you started the Mentor for Moms Podcast. To date, you have had over 100k unique downloads and have a listenership from all over the world! CONGRATS sis! What was your “why” behind starting the Mentor for Moms Podcast?

When I read the Titus 2 scripture about older women teaching the younger women - I immediately started praying for God to send me an older woman to mentor me. In my mind, she was going to move into the house down the street when it came on the market. Imagine my surprise when 3 single dudes moved into that house. I felt like they were interrupting God’s plan by moving into my mentor’s house. LOL. Over time I realized God wasn’t going to send ‘A’ mentor. He sent me several. They came in the form of radio interviews because social media and podcasting weren’t a thing when my older kids were little. My mentors came from books, and conversations with women at church, or one-off meetings in the library, park, or grocery store. They would share something with me that was just what I needed at the time until another mentor crossed my path. In my heart, I committed that when I became an ‘older woman’ I would make time to share what I’ve learned over the years with the younger women coming behind me. One day I looked up, and I was the older woman in the room.

Now, I champion the message that women are SO important to God. Women who are moms are operating as leaders in one of the most foundational organizations in our society, the family, and we’re doing it with little to no support. I wanted to see that change. As I’ve pursued this work that God has called me to, I can see more and more how much this work matters.

What do you love MOST about Mothers?

I love how mothers love. There’s no one way to do it and I love the variety in how moms express their love. Some are quiet and others are loud with it. Some are behind the scenes and others out front. Some moms get out in the mud with their kids and others watch from the window of the house and say ‘wash yourself real good before you come back in my house’. I resist messages that there’s one way to love your kids. I believe there are principles to help parent better or healthier, but there’s not one style or way to be a good mom. Let’s move away from that ideal altogether. I aim to be a faithful mom, and I wait for God to pronounce whether it’s good or not.

In what ways has God reminded you of your value & worth as a mother through your many steps of obedience to start the “Mentor For Moms” podcast?

I didn’t think anyone would listen to the podcast. Ok. Maybe my mom and a few friends, but that was about it. At the time of my launch into podcasting, a few friends were also starting shows. They were lining up podcast guests and I thought I would do the same. After praying, I didn’t sense that was the way God was leading me to go. I felt like I was to produce a teaching/equipping style show. I assumed that meant I would remain small and in the shadows. To my surprise, the show has ranked as high as the top 1.5% of all podcasts being produced. At one time it was trending in South America. I have listeners in countries all across the globe. I now have a private mentoring client that lives in Thailand and the UK.

This is such a big deal because I am a homeschooling mom first. My work as an international speaker, podcast host, and certified life coach comes after my primary commitment to my kids and their education. That means I don’t have time to market, network, and do all the things that would make this podcast a success. I have God!

On your website, you say that “being a mom is hard and being a mom is wonderful.” Through your own experience & from hearing experiences of mothers you’ve spoken to in real life, at conferences, or on your podcast…what would you say is the key to making sure we as mothers don’t attach our value & worth as mothers to how good or bad the day went…or the successes & failures of our children?

Every mom has an inner script. There’s an exercise I do with my private mentoring clients to expose that script. Once moms are aware of how they are defining success, I remind them they have the power to redefine it. If their current definition of success continually creates feelings of unrest, defeat, overwhelm, and exhaustion - it’s time to re-imagine their life.

Can you describe a time when you’ve done this and what has been the result?

I used to think that I was lazy and doing a poor job as a mom if I went to bed with dishes in the sink. I would feel bad for falling asleep while my kids were talking to me. And heaven forbid I had a hard day and yelled at my kids because my nerves were fried.

I would re-run the scene in my mind and I could see how I was trying to live up to an impossible standard and I needed to re-define my idea of what it means to do a good job with my kids or with my home or in my marriage. My inner script was leading me to do too much and think too little about myself. None of this was an accurate reflection of how God sees me.

Susan, you mention the importance of resting as a mother and not feeling bad about it. Why do you think historically it has been so hard for mothers to permit themselves to rest?

We have been conditioned to see rest as a luxury. So if you rest, you’ve either earned it or you’re special/elite/wealthy. Nope. Man didn’t invent rest, God did. And He invites us to enter in daily. It’s counter-cultural and will be especially challenging the more we have accepted the world’s standards as true. I champion the idea that moms not only can rest throughout their day, but MUST.

What does rest currently look like for you in this season of your life?

Daily quiet time - when my babies were little and still napping.

Daily ‘personal positive pleasure.’

After I travel to speak- I block the first 1-2 days when I get home to refill my cup. I re-enter family life, but I put on hold on meetings, interviews, and non-essential follow up. I make space for naps, walks, phone chats with friends, a massage, or a favorite movie.

Olive Us was created for women to share their in-process experiences and their "Only God" moments so that we can remember we are connected through Christ and we're not alone. Why is this important?

We are all a work in progress. None of us have arrived. Sharing our stories reminds us that God is still saving us, healing us, delivering us, restoring us, reconciling us. He’s not done.