Episode 32: A New Song

Jul 4

Written By Rachael Wade

An interview with Tiana Spencer

Hear Tiana’s 'in process' story of meeting God through different seasons and circumstances and finding her voice.

⁣⁣

Watch Now ⁣→

Listen Now →

The Seeds

Name: Tiana Spencer

Age: 38

Where do you call home: Duarte, CA

Relationship Status: Married

Season of Work: Teaching Pastor at Fellowship Church

Hobbies: Bike Riding, Writing, Reading

Jesus Journey: I came to know Jesus at the age of 14 at a revival my church was having. I had an amazing youth pastor who really shepherded me as a teen. I started teaching bible studies in high school and discipling others from that time as well. I went to college and got a degree in biblical studies and continued to lead small groups and youths groups from that time on.

The Branches

Tiana, I met you in Nov 2021 at Ezer Conference. I was surprised to learn you began using your gifts in the church on the worship team. I say surprised because you currently preach your socks off as one of the Pastors at Made for Fellowship Church in Monrovia, CA. Tell us about when you started singing on the worship team in church. What age? When did you know you could SANG? Take us back!!!!

I started singing on worship teams in high school. Singing alto was always a huge part of my life. I was never lead but I loved singing as a part of the team. I sang through college in a worship band some friends started and we would lead for chapel and at surrounding churches.

What caused the shift from singing on the worship team to preaching the word of God?

I went to Africa my sophomore year of college and got malaria with the rest of my team. I had no symptoms except that I lost my voice. I sounded like Donald Duck every time I talked. I assumed my voice would come back once the malaria got out of my system but when I got back to the states I still could barely talk. I went to doctors and had them run tests and no one had an explanation for why I still didn’t have my voice. I ended up having to drop out of my worship ministry and leave my love of singing for the first time in my entire life. Without a voice and stripped of what i felt like was my calling, I turned to teaching

What was it like to have the very gift you loved and contributed to the Body of Christ stripped away? Were you mad at God? Scared? Share #allthemotions during this time of transition.

I was a wreck and honestly in shock. I kept thinking it would come back but I didn't get my full voice back for almost 8 years. I was very angry at God and confused by how random this loss felt.

Tiana, how did you begin teaching the word of God? Did anybody call out this gift within you and allow you to exercise this teaching gift God has given you?

Once I didn't get my voice back for a while I leaned into teaching fully. I found a way to teach the Bible any way that I could. I knew it was a gift of mine because of how I felt when I did it and because for some reason even on a secular high school campus it would yield so much fruit. God used me when teaching and it was obvious. Eventually we moved to the Los Angeles area and joined our current church. In 2016 God started opening doors for me to teach at a couple of camps and God showed up every time. My pastor saw a gift in me and put me on the platform to teach for the first time and since then I have been doing retreats, conferences and church services all around the country.

You’ve been suffering with Lupus for 20 years. In 2019, you had a flare up and Lupus attacked your nervous system. Explain what Lupus is to our community. You are a wife, mom, teaching pastor, writer…you had stuff going on and you had been through so much already…especially with your health. What did it feel like to receive this diagnosis & not be able to show up like you normally did?

Getting the diagnosis at 19, I had no clue what my future would look like and it was terrifying. I was very ill at first and in a lot of pain and emotionally without a ton of support. As I look back on it, it was a pretty brutal start. Not being able to have the normal life of a college student was lonely. I was at one point told by the doctor that I may need to drop out, but thank goodness I finished.

Not being able to show up during flares is always one of the hardest parts. I have always been pretty independent. I kinda had to be. So to now have this diagnosis that would require me to depend on others was a tough sell. It has taken me a lot of years to let myself be loved in moments of weakness. It’s been one of the hardest and greatest lessons lupus has taught me: That it's ok to not be strong and that God has designed his body to hold you when you can't be.

As you think back to losing your voice…being diagnosed with Lupus…how did God meet you and how has He formed you through these times where your health has failed? Encourage the woman right now who is going through health challenges and is grieving her limitations.

Through suffering I have seen sides of God that most people just read about. I have seen the miraculous hand of God meet me in hospital rooms and it's been beautiful. I have also had to really wrestle with a God who would allow so much to come into my life when I felt like I was only trying to be faithful to him. I have had to wrestle with this idea that living for the Lord entitles me to a pain free life. It’s been hard. But I have seen him in the valleys and on the mountaintops. I know him to be a keeper even when I wanted him to just let me go. I have learned that he is with me even when it feels like he has abandoned me. I have learned the true meaning of faith. Of believing in something you cannot see because there have been plenty of times where I could not see what he was doing at the time but can look back and know his hand was in it all along.

To the woman who is going through your own health challenges…keep trusting him. There aren’t many words at times that seem to be encouraging in the midst of suffering. I personally have learned how much words can fail during those times. But I'm just praying that his presence will meet you. That his divine hand would reveal itself to you. Maybe through a song, or a scripture or an encouragement you receive through a friend. I'm praying his presence would meet you right where you are and that when you become aware of it, that you would hold on to it with everything in you. Never let the memory of that moment of divine comfort from Jesus be taken from you. The enemy will try to make you feel all alone. So when God shows himself, hold on to it and come back to it over and over again as a reminder that he has not left you, nor will he ever. This is so important because when we think God has left us we lose all hope. But he hasn’t left you sis. He’s still active and present. And I'm praying that the truth would become evident and you would fight to hold on to it.

Olive Us sister, Minnie Lee, from Episode 1 of Season 1 is a dear friend to me and to Olive Us. She suffers from chronic pain and fibromyalgia. Minnie always reminds me that although she’s not fully healed in her body she has received healing in different ways…like in her head & in her heart. What type of healing have you received Tiana?

I have received healing in my heart. Trauma had closed me off to letting myself be loved but lupus forced it back open. I have seen the good hearts of people and my faith in them has been healed as well. I have also seen God comfort me in ways that an earthly father hadn’t and that has been my healing as well.

Well obviously you got your voice back lol…how are you metaphorically still “Finding your voice?”

I'm still finding my voice in ministry. Still honing into the message the lord has for me to bring into the world. I'm still going into vulnerability and letting all of myself be known and loved…even the really ugly parts of me. I'm still growing in trusting that god has good for me even though my life has tried to make me feel otherwise. I'm still growing in seeking out an intimate, vulnerable, and honest community knowing that it will hurt you and heal you.

Olive Us was created for women to share their in-process experiences and their "Only God" moments so that we can remember we are connected through Christ and we're not alone. Why is this important?

I used to think I could do this life alone with just me and god. But it does not work that way. We were literally created to be in community with each other. It’s how we heal and grow and love. Vulnerability begets vulnerability. It destroys shame and so many women are suffering alone in shame and community is the way god designed to heal that. We need to know we are not alone and this ministry is a beautiful way to do that