Episode 58: God With ‘Olive’ Us

Feb 1

Written By Rachael Wade

An interview with Payne Bridges

Payne shares her in-process story of changing vocations alongside an unchanging and ever-present God.

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The Seeds

Name: Payne Bridges

Where do you call home: Savanna, GA

Relationship Status: Single

Season of Work: Recruitment/Admissions

Hobbies: Finding bookstores on my travels, collecting postcards, music, reading, going to the beach!

Jesus Journey: I love this prompt because I can look back and see just how freaking present Jesus has been throughout my life. Growing up in a Christian home, I was introduced to the gospel and came to faith early on. Reflecting on this time makes me think of the story of Jesus telling the disciples to let the children come to Him. I can just picture Jesus getting down on their level to look them in the eye and tell them how valuable they are. I can picture their shyness turning to giggles and play, and Jesus being right in the middle of it all. I got to come to Jesus as a kid. I believed He was who He said He was. Simple as that. My teenage years and early twenties were a bit rocky and rebellious, to say the least. For several reasons during that time, I decided that I was going to do what I wanted when I wanted. I reflect on this time and see how Jesus was a “Protector.” He protected my relationship with my parents and has done so much work in my heart since then to heal our relationship. He protected my physical being (and those around me) because GOOD GRIEF at some of the scenarios I put myself and others in. He didn’t take his eye off me for one second despite my arrogance and pride. My adult years have been a mixture of high highs and the lowest lows I’ve ever experienced. Questions are the theme of this current season (me asking Him and Him asking me), but I’m engaging with Jesus in ways I never have before. “Do I really believe that Jesus is BIGGER than all of this mess?” “Is Jesus actually enough?” “Jesus, what do you really think about THAT?” So far, a lot of the answers are not at all what I want to hear or how I want to hear them, but I’m seeing His kindness and feeling His presence through it all.

The Branches

If you were to describe God’s presence in your life how would you describe it?

Quiet and steady. Whether the chaos of life is full of happy, celebratory moments or moments of deep grief, God’s presence has been a source of peace - of grounding. Quiet and steady.

You’ve had a career shift over the last few years. Tell the Olive Us family about your vocational change.

I was on staff for about 5 and half years at a church in Savannah as the Worship Associate. I primarily oversaw the music & worship for the college, high school, and kids gatherings each week in addition to singing/leading most Sundays. At the time, I felt that I was growing in my role and getting more opportunities to lead (specifically on Sunday mornings). In 2020, the elders of the church were presented with the question, “Why does a ‘pastor’ lead worship on one Sunday and the next week Payne (a woman) leads?” This was the beginning of the end for me. A decision was made that I disagreed with only leading to more questions and ultimately revealing many more issues within church leadership and staff. After years of questions, wrestling, tension, poor care, and poor communication, I decided to leave church staff. Insert years of grief and a little healing and depression and a little healing and more grief. Amid the grief, God was kind to put a new opportunity on my radar.

In 2023, I stepped into a role working for a university, traveling to recruit high school students. In many ways, I still get to operate within my giftings. In many ways, I am in completely new territory (literally and figuratively). I’m presented with questions I’ve never had to consider before. What does “ministry” look like for me in this season? Who is my “community?” What does God have to say directly to ME (not through a ‘pastor’ or someone on stage or a group of men)? What does God think of me? Of women? Of women leading in and outside of the church?
My career has shifted but the work is still the same.

The way you defined God’s presence a second ago(Q#1)…would you have defined it differently in other seasons of your life? If yes, how so?
Today, I don’t think I would define it differently. I know the analogies I’m about to use may not resonate with everyone and there are plenty of holes, but they somewhat encompass what I’m trying to say. Picture the little kids on Christmas morning going nuts over all their gifts “from Santa.” Meanwhile, all-knowing Mom and Dad are quietly looking on, smiling at the joy and excitement from their kids. And then there are the not-so-joyful-and-exciting moments in a kid’s life - the scraped knees, bumps and bruises, and deeply hurt feelings. Still, Mom and Dad are steadily present to console, bandage wounds, and listen to cries. In those huge, happy, celebratory moments in life, I think our all-knowing God is quietly looking on, smiling at the joy and excitement from His kids. In the deeply wounded, grief-filled moments in life, I believe our all-knowing God is steadily present to console, heal wounds, and listen to our cries.

Can you experience God outside of four walls? Can you think of one of your adventures in nature where you’ve experienced God’s presence?
God is SO MUCH BIGGER than any four walls can contain. I’ve been fortunate to get to travel to some of the most beautiful parts of the country with my current job. I’ll be honest; I’m not a hardcore hiker. I’m not trying to climb a 14-er or pack three days’ worth of rations in my bag. Your girl loves a 2-5 mile trail/loop, though! Recently, I was on a trail just outside of San Francisco (Stevens Creek Trail). This trail is beautiful, but by no means is it secluded. You can hear cars from the nearby highway; you’ll see homes sprinkled throughout the base of the Santa Cruz Mountains. But I came to a point on this trail where it was completely silent. No noise from traffic, no trees rustling or birds chirping. Total silence. I just stood there in what felt like a thick blanket. I genuinely didn’t want to move from that spot. But at some point, I smiled, said out loud, “I see you, God,” and kept moving. There are so many more stories and “I see you, God” experiences I’ve had through nature in the last several years - seeing Mt. Rainier from a plane (or a ferry or a car) blows my mind every time, walking around completely alone at Trillium Lake with Mt. Hood clear as day in the background, sprawling views of San Francisco from Bernal Hill, rows and rows of olive orchards on the island of Crete, HUGE redwoods and sequoias at Armstrong National Forest and Hoyt Arboretum, cliffs that drop into beaches that fall into the Pacific at Half Moon Bay and Sea Ranch…I could keep going! Our God cannot be contained.

You love music. You’re a gifted and anointed worship leader. We have a ton of ministry leaders in the Olive Us community. Some lead parachurch ministries, some on staff teams, etc…how do ministry leaders make sure they’re leading with the Holy Spirit and God’s presence versus going through the motions and using their own skill, abilities, and even years of experience?

Goodness, this is too real. For those who have been ministry leaders for a good amount of time, you know how easy it is to default to going through the motions. I think we first have to ask, “How did we get to this place of just going through the motions?”

Speaking specifically to church (a formal, local gathering) leaders: You know how your gatherings run, what prayers you can pray and phrases to use, and scriptures to quote. Week in and week out, your gatherings run in essentially the same format and allotted time frame. Two songs, sermon, two songs, prayer, and benediction. There’s nothing wrong with structure and an organized gathering. But structure, for structure’s sake, is just about control. What would it look like if one Sunday morning was spent out with your community serving your city? What would it look like for you, lead pastor, to take a Sunday off from teaching and attend another local gathering of believers? We become so attached to our structure and how we gather to worship that we lose sight of just how big our God is. There is more than one way to honor God through our worship. Seek out those ways. Learn from others. Don’t be so arrogant to think that your way is the best way or the only way. I don’t know any church leaders who would say this explicitly, but their practices communicate otherwise. Stepping into this journey WITH God, asking Him to show you just how big He is will absolutely lead you to a place of deeper reliance on the Holy Spirit.

Speaking to every ministry leader: allow yourself to be known. Not by everyone in your charge, but you have to have those few, trusted, intimate friends who you have permitted to speak into your life and to call out when you’re going through the motions - when you’re heading toward burnout - when you’re operating from a place of arrogance or pride. Identify those people and tell them explicitly, “You have permission to call me out on this.”

Finally, I would say, sit at more tables. Get in front of people who are completely different from you; people who are a part of your ministry and people who are not. Sit at their tables. Be in their space and hear their stories. Listen intentionally to how God is working. Be blown away by what God is doing in spaces that you would never anticipate. Get out of your bubble and go find out just how big God is.

Olive Us Restored retreats will focus on rest, delight, connection, and growth. Why is this important for the Body of Christ and specifically for women?

Retreats are so important because that’s what Jesus did. Throughout His life and ministry, we see Him stepping away to meet with God. We have to stop. We have to step away to meet with God. Retreats often bring physical rest. Retreats often bring emotional and spiritual resets. Retreats often provide us with a clearer perspective into who God is and how He is working. Retreats are especially important for women because they provide women with the space to be reminded of who they are, how valuable they are, and how deeply loved they are by God. The overall messaging toward women says otherwise. Throughout history, much of culture, media, and unfortunately, the church has communicated to women that they are not as valuable as men. (Quite literally - women earn 84 cents for every dollar paid to men.) We’ve been told that our primary role in life is to be a wife and mother. We’ve been told that beauty only looks a certain way. We’ve been told that preaching the gospel is something that can only be done by men. We have to get away from all the noise and hear from God. Women need to be reminded of what God thinks of them.

Restored Retreat recipients are “GOING AWAY” from their everyday lives to get away with God and rest. While this is great…what’s your take on having to “get away” from your everyday life to experience God’s presence? Is this necessary? The only way to experience God’s presence?

Getting away is so necessary. As I said above, we have to get away from all the noise. Jesus got away and we should too. But “getting away” is not escaping or avoiding real life. There is so much work to be done in the “getting away.” In getting away, you’re giving yourself a chance to hear clearly and be equipped to get back into your everyday life with the assurance that you are valued and loved so deeply by God. In getting away, you’re giving yourself the boost you need to walk back into your families, jobs, and communities with confidence that you BELONG. In getting away, you’re wrestling with trauma, processing extreme hurt and disappointment, and leaning into the hard so that you can come out on the other side a better friend, a better wife, a better mom. Getting away is so necessary.

Olive Us was created for women to share their in-process stories and be reminded they’re connected through Christ and not alone. Why is this important?

Simply being asked to share parts of my story is so meaningful and has been helpful in my healing process. The sharing and hearing of stories is massively important. Healing happens. Empathy grows. God gets bigger. Repentance and correction take place. Worship results. Our stories hold so much. How much more do they hold when they’re shared?!