Episode 5: Combating the Lies that Surround Comparison
An interview with Ruthie Kim
Gain wisdom and encouragement by hearing her personal stories as she breaks down the lies she faces surrounding comparison and how she combats the lies with Gods truth.
The Seeds
Name: Ruthie Kim
Age: 38
Relationship Status: Married
Season of Work: Self Supported Missionary of Because Justice Matters (BJM/Ministry of YWAM)
Hobbies: Trying new restaurants in San Francisco, travel (when I can), reading, drinking coffee, walking the city, visiting wine country (can that be a hobby?! I’m a member at a wine club..LOL!)
Interesting Facts about me: I’m a huge dog lover. I like them more than people!
Jesus Journey:
Accepted Jesus when I was 5 after growing up in Christian home, did it alone in my bedroom and then immediately started telling friends about Jesus!
Had significant God encounters at age 13 (in Paris, heart for cities.) At 16 (called out of a crowd with prophetic word and called into urban missions) and then really formative time during my discipleship training studies in San Francisco when I was 18.
The Branches
You seem to have a lot on your plate...Wife,Mom, Founder of BJM, Teaching Pastor at Reality Church here in San Francisco, and I’m sure other projects you’re working on.... to the outsider looking in...it may seem like you are 100% confident and secure in your calling and place in this world. Is that so?
Hmmmm interesting question. I would say I’m 100% confident in my calling, but it took me a while to get there. I’ve been walking with Jesus for 33 years and in full-time ministry for 20 of those, so it’s given me a lot of time to explore this idea of purpose and calling. I have had times in my life though where it was not clear at all. Before I launched BJM I was completely lost in ministry. Had a number of disappointments and bad experiences that left me really worn down, confused, and questioning my call to ministry. I remember feeling completely passionless at that time. For those who know me, that’s crazy to imagine now.
It was the beginning of an important journey for me. I had to work through lies, challenging mindsets, and reflect on how God had made me in order to really understand who I am called to be.
All this to say, yeah I know my calling clearly - though God is always surprising me with fresh ways that plays out - but I only know it cuz I went through some really deep, lengthy process’ to get there.
Do you ever struggle with comparison? If so, can you give us a few examples as it relates to your professional life and personal life?
Ha, Yep…okay here we go…
-Timing - I struggle with the speed of how other people’s lives progress. To see people who are journeying the same road, whether it be building a ministry or preaching etc, and it looks like they are just light years ahead. Like the things that take years for me seem to happen very quickly for them. Like, they accelerated and I just pulled off the road! It’s an interesting lie here. Because no one takes the same path, no one has a linear journey, you can’t compare. But we do. Makes me think of Hebrews 12 and the idea of running our race, not anyone else’s. There’s no grace for running your friends race! Or the person on Instagram.
-San Francisco living - it’s hard not to compare my family life, my housing, my financial situation with people back home in the UK, or other parts of the United States. SF is such a different beast. My kids don’t do a bazillion after school activities because we simply can’t afford it or can’t make it work with our schedule. We don’t take fancy vacations. We don’t have a big house with a yard. Life looks different here. It forces you to confront your expectations in life, and to really lay down things we want and desire. But of course in return I have a ton of wonderful things to share too.
-Ministry- that organization raises more money, has more staff, develops internationally, all the things that as a founder you are tempted to compare to. This comes back to running your race. I’ve had to really dig into God what have you called me to - again and again - and not put my eyes on the other person.
As a believer and follower of Christ...we know God’s truth...we know that we are “fearfully and wonderfully made”...we know that we are a body made up of many gifts and we are all so necessary and needed...yet we struggle with insecurity and comparison. Why do you believe this to be so?
The enemy plays this card hard - keeps us distracted!
We talk a lot about truth, but often don’t experience/live it. We have to wrestle. Simply quoting scripture and reading cute encouragements won’t get to the very core identity issues that comparison is driven from. We have to hear the Father call us beloved.
San Francisco is driven by a spirit of comparison, innovation, who can do it better/get louder to get attention mentality. As Christians we are resisting a cultural stream. It takes great inner strength to run your own race. It requires a willingness to face the parts of us that want to be the best, that need affirmation, that demand approval. I’m constantly resisting the invitation of the city to work longer hours, drive my staff, push my boundaries etc. It’s a daily resistance to say “no” to that kind of tempting voice of accomplishment and instead remain in God’s love, as His beloved and let that be enough.
When the arrows from the enemy come your way...and doubt, fear, insecurity, and comparison creep in...how do you combat these lies?
1.Focus on being his Beloved. I love the book, “ Life of the Beloved” by Henry Nouwen. The idea of being loved as we are, and experiencing that.
2.Spend time in God’s presence. I talk to him all day everyday and make choices that reinforce his truth (e.g. “No I wont take that exciting opportunity that will sacrifice my well being and my family, because I don’t need to prove myself.”) I am loved. Etc.
3.Slow down/Acts of resistance. I have a PDF available for FREE on my website (RuthieKim.com) called, “Living in Pursuit of God: 20 Practices From 20 Years.” There are so many ways that I practice being the beloved that help me resist comparison.
4. I have to cut out the lies immediately. The longer I dwell on them the more they take root. For me that looks like speaking out loud! I saw a friend preaching at a national conference I would love to speak at and immediately the voice of “see, you’ll never do that, you’re too old, your past your prime” came rushing in. I had to stand up, walk around my house and out loud declare, “God’s goodness is chasing me, my best days are ahead, I praise you for the wonderful things you have lined up for me!”
When you compare yourself to Ruthie 5 to 10 years ago...and the Ruthie now...how has God grown you in these areas?
Oh boy! So much. Ruthie 10 years ago was hustling, didn’t know she could preach, hadn’t discovered she had other gifts, was a newly exhausted and out of my depth mom, discouraged, didn’t know how to rest, felt swallowed up by the city,
Though of course I still struggle with many things, the journey into my belovedness with God has changed a lot. There’s a lot of angst in your 20’s, lots of transitions, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve experienced more acceptance of myself, more closeness with God.
I hate to say it though, but most of what I’ve learned has come through very, very hard lessons. Miscarriage, loneliness, depression, ministry exhaustion, relational disappointment and pain, etc, those things have pushed me into a deeper place with Jesus. But there I became more of who I am truly meant to be.
You’re in leadership and preaching on a stage. There is something about being on a stage or first in command. For some that’s a physical stage, but for many of us that looks like leading in our home, our community group, our company...etc. Can you encourage the one in leadership today that is struggling with insecurity and comparison and doesn’t feel like they have anywhere to go with these struggles due to their position?
I think there’s something to be said for declaring everything we do in life as significant. I’ve spent the last 5 years as part of the teaching team on a stage, but prior to that I taught tiny classes for about 15 years, I was a part time stay at home mom, I did the preschool volunteering, the laundry, and the day in day out monotony of ministry (stocking shelves, answering emails etc.) We can’t wait til we have a stage or recognition to say what we do in life is significant. We need to declare it now. Because it is. We all have purpose and potential, and we need to honor that.
-I would encourage women to practice honoring all that they are called to, see it as holy and declare it significant. If we even half buy in to the enemy’s lie that we need a stage, then we’re already half way down the spiral of comparison.
The Olive Tree
Finish these statements:
God is...............a redeeming God.
God’s love for Olive us is: unchanging.
"Olive us" are better when........ we let God write our story.
Thanks for having me “Olive Us”
I would LOVE to have you subscribe to my website RuthieKim.com. If you decide to subscribe a free PDF download ,”Living in Pursuit of God: 20 Practices From 20 Years” will be headed your way! Along with a quarterly email.