Episode 7: Longing to Belong
An interview with Analuisa Ferreira
Analuisa shares her experience as a woman, wife, new mother, and immigrant as she navigates life in the United States. Isolation, loneliness, and striving for perfection are highlighted as she takes us on a journey of the changing seasons she's experienced in life.
The Seeds
Name: Analuisa Ferreira
Age: 33
Relationship Status: Married
Where are you from: Porto Alegre, Brazil
Where do you call HOME: After moving 5 times in the last 5 years, I can say “home” is wherever I am with my husband, our kids, and good friends. I hope to find a place to call home very soon though.
Season of Work: SAHM / Working part-time from home.
Hobbies: I love to sew, play the guitar/sing, read.
Interesting Facts about me: I always say that if you could understand Portuguese, you would think I am really funny. I love to make people laugh. And also I was a leader at my church from the age of 15-18.
Jesus Journey:
My parents were people of faith since forever although they didn't encourage me (or my sisters) to go to any church. I grew up seeing my mother and dad pray and talk about God, saints, angels, light candles at home, and eventually that led to going to mass. When I turned 13 years old my school friends and I decided to join a Catholic Church Group for Youth. We were super involved with the group and the church for at least 7 years. We went to many retreats and I remember clearly that I wanted to have THE feeling - not just understand what Jesus did - I wanted to be filled with certainty, grace, and the holy spirit. So I prayed and prayed to feel that my life was REALLY guided by God, not by me. I knew scriptures, I believed, but I didn’t feel led by the Holy Spirit. So I met a friend when I was doing an internship program (I was 20) and she introduced me to Gospel music and through the music I found Jesus, I felt safe. Little by little, song by song, I was transformed and my heart was touched. Most of the time I find in the songs all the things I want to say or pray when I have no words.
The Branches
So as you mentioned...you’re from Brazil. How has life looked different since moving to the United States? What have been some of the highs? Some of the lows?
Well, the differences are HUGE. When you move to another country it is like you have to learn literally everything all over. Simple things like going to the supermarket and buying rice (What brand? Is the price fair? Why are the instructions different from what I learned?) Doing laundry: coin-operated machines? 35 minute cycle? Whaaaat? Every single thing is different. People are different culturally, communication is different, you express your emotions in a different way (not better, not worse, just different.)
One of the hardest things for me is to feel secure to be who I am. I struggle a lot to connect with people that are not from my country or do not speak Portuguese. I never know if I am being adequate or if what I said or did was judged by someone else. Many times I feel I am less than because I am an immigrant. I feel as if I don't belong and never will and that kind of thought moves me into a condition where I try really hard to be perfect - my second language has to be perfect, my actions have to be perfect, I have to behave perfectly to have friends and so on.
The highs: well, living in a city like San Francisco and being part of Epic Church - and mom's group - are a high per se. Also, I can say I learned A LOT since I moved to the US. I stepped out of my comfort zone many times, I learned that it really takes a village to raise kids and the village can be people you consider friends or not. Meal train is a great example: many people from Epic Church that I had never met prior to August’s birth brought me food for 3 months so I could take care of my family and not worry about what we were gonna have for dinner. I learned accepting help doesn't mean I am weak.
I’m sure there have been times of isolation and loneliness...can you tell us a little about that?
Sure…
Three months after I gave birth to Benjamin we moved to the East Coast. We had no one there to count on - literally no one. My husband would leave for work at 7 am and come back at 6 or 7 pm. My days were rough…12 hours alone with a baby is no joke. I was sleep-deprived, insecure about my mothering, anxious, and I had no one to meet for a coffee or talk to. I lost myself, I lost interest in doing things, I cried almost every day for the 7 months we lived in Philly, I had to deal with postpartum depression not knowing what that was, I just wanted to be quiet and protect my baby even from myself. I was weak, in a dark season spiritually, couldn't pray, I felt ashamed.
During this time what did you do to combat these feelings?
First, my husband and I decided to visit our family and friends in Brazil. We needed to feel loved, we needed reassurance. Then we decided to come back to San Francisco, to our church, to the friends we had previously made.
Since you and I are part of moms group at our church here in San Francisco, I know you’ve also struggled with being yourself and cultivating deeper relationships. Why do you think that is?
I feared not being good enough, not being interesting enough for people, being known and not loved.
As you know God has many names. One of those names is “Jehovah Jireh.” In Hebrew that means “The Lord Will Provide.” Do you believe God is our provider? And if yes, how has he provided?
I have no doubt He is. Every time I felt I was losing sight of my own life, God rescued me and my family. Even when we had no strength to ask or pray, he answered what was in our hearts, filling us with peace.
By the time the “Olive Us” community meets you, you would have already moved to Toronto, Canada! So sad for all of us here in SF, but exciting for your family and the new friends/church community that awaits you. Looking back on your time here...what will you do differently in Toronto?
I learned a lot from you, Rachael. You always say (and you have a sweatshirt that also says) “Don't Mom Alone.” In this fresh start, one of my goals is to look for a support group right away. Build a community, pay back everything I received from all of you.
So talk to the "one" today. There's a woman out there that feels out of place….like she doesn’t belong or fit. How would you encourage her today? What would you say to those of us who are welcoming her into our class/small group/neighborhood/work group?
First I would say to that woman "respect yourself and your time. “If you are not prepared to talk yet, listen and learn from others. One day at a time, step out of your comfort zone: introduce yourself, and ask another mom to grab a coffee. Little by little you will get there."
To the one welcoming her: don't give up on that person! She is probably struggling, overwhelmed, looking for someone to trust, to be close to, keep her company.
Why is it important to truly get to know other women/people that are not like you?
People that are not like me have a lot to share and I have a lot to learn. It opens my heart and mind. It makes me more empathetic towards their lives, their struggles, etc.
The Olive Tree
Olive Us was created for women to share their experiences through life and their "Only God" moments so that we can remember we are connected through Christ and that we're not alone. Why is this important?
As I mentioned, it takes a village. Not only to raise a child, but to do life. Love is shown through actions, words, community. And love is Christ.
Finish these statements:
God is...............never gonna let me down.
God’s love for Olive us is: powerful.
"Olive us" are better when........ we listen and understand each other with an open heart.